Being sick this past week has given me a lot of time to think. It's given me a chance to sit still, be in quiet spaces, and approach myself. As well as time to hang out with my beautiful pitbull pup Cher, who you see above looking rather serene in a scene of chaos she once created. In a few days, I went from having a severe head cold to stomach virus-like symptoms that had me crying this morning in pain on the couch. When you're so totally out of your general head space, it gives you an opportunity to pour over ideas, questions, and concerns you may not have dedicated previous consideration. Bear with me - I've had a lot of things to pour over lately.
I have been quiet a lot on the blogging front, and it's because I have been giving some serious consideration to WHAT this blog means, is, and represents. First of all, I know that it represents me - and what does that mean for me? What does this blog's existence showcase? A few days ago, I posted an update that came from a feverish desire to put into words thoughts that were tumbling around inside my head. I was struggling to even come up with content to post here, because I'm in the planning stages of shifting the focus of this blog in a new direction.
And then, suddenly, it occurred to me that going to New York Fashion Week this year would simply be a waste of time and money. The first year I went, it was about getting into a handful of shows, experiencing Fashion Week up close and personal, and establishing myself as a blogger. Last year, I chose to make it more of a personal trip with a few events thrown in. This year, I was planning to use the personal angle again, and then it struck me that I just am not as excited to go as I should be. I haven't planned for months, I haven't looked at events, and frankly - it's not who I am anymore.
I'm constantly evolving on a personal level - so why shouldn't my blog? Why should I spend money I'd rather save (heavens knows I NEED to save) on a trip that isn't anything new for me, and currently doesn't align with my values?
I've had a handful of conversations with friends lately about 1) Being personally creative and 2) How social media defines who you are. For me, this blog has been an outlet for creativity. It was a chance to have fun with my clothes, share my experiences, and collaborate with other creative minds, photographers, and companies. Just as another person might sketch, paint, write music, or bake to fuel their creative side, blogging helped me have a focus on making something.
A problem that comes with blogging is the misconception that it's for attention, having your photograph taken, receiving free clothes, or for any number of selfish reasons. Certainly - I have received a number of items in trade for blog posts, but I've chosen to work with brands and companies I would support on my own if given the chance. I've worked so hard to be as genuine as possible on this platform, but I know that there will always be people who take one look at me and have the wrong idea. Social media perpetuates this over and over and over. We put up our prettiest images all over the internet. We share what makes us feel good. We want to show the world how happy we are, even when we might not be, because no one wants to see what's really going on below. I feel that my blog and social media should accurately represent me - all of me.
I know what makes me feel real, honest, and most connected to myself, so why take a trip to an event that isn't representing who I am at the moment? I'd much rather pour energy into poetry (another personal project I've been tending to ever so gently and brings me great joy), building stronger personal relationships, booking fun DJ gigs, saving my hard-earned money, and maybe taking a trip somewhere else that would be more fulfilling. I had a dream last night I was in Hawaii, which has always been a place I'd like to visit. Maybe I'll start a piggy bank for an island trip. I miss traveling to new places with a burning heartache. I miss being in a place completely unknown to me, and discovering more about myself while at the same time, I discover a new city, country, mountainside, sleeping volcano.
New York, I love you - but you're not for me this year, and here's a bit more on why:
My personal taste and this blog's main emphasis have always been tilted towards vintage, secondhand, and local clothing or items. I much prefer to know the source if possible, or to recycle and reuse. That has become, recently, a much more serious topic in my personal life and choices. Have you seen The True Cost? If you're interested in learning more about where your clothes are crafted, and ready to face the harsh reality of the fashion industry's detrimental effects on our planet and human race, sit yourself down and watch that documentary.
Even before watching that film a few weeks ago, I had already made up my mind that fast fashion is something that can be avoided completely in my life. I'm ready to no longer buy cheap clothing for the sake of having options. I'm ready to dedicate time into finding and supporting conscious, sustainable, and USA-made companies and products, and willing to spend a little extra money on them. In this vein, I know so many folks who are into using handmade, DIY, and natural products. Using natural products at home is great for the environment, but do you understand that saving our planet goes beyond that?
The fashion industry, for the most part, ignores the dangerous repercussions of cheap mass production. In turn, much of the general population remains uneducated on how the US alone generates approximately 11 million tons in textile waste. I want to remove myself from this equation, and research more fully how I can reduce my wasteful footprint - in and outside of fashion. I hope to find a contact within the local community to speak with regarding sustainability in St. Louis Fashion Week, and I'll keep y'all updated on how that goes.
So, in short, thanks for hanging around and listening to me babble. I try my best to be genuine, and it's time for me to take that further and become genuinely responsible.